What does it take to have a healthy life? Exercise? Friends? A loving partner?
Loving our self.
When we are angry or sad we give in to the emotion – which is healthy initially (as long as we don’t harm ourselves or another). It’s when we stay stuck that it becomes unhealthy and can be debilitating.
As Shirzad Chamine is fond of saying, the initial pain from touching a hot stove is helpful! But keeping your hand on the stove is damaging. Shirzad’s positive intelligence program has been game-changing for me, and it really does change your brain over time – changes that can be noted on an MRI!
Our brains are not “cemented” to a certain way of thinking. We train our brains to think certain things by ignoring the subtle signs we are headed down that path. But, we can retrain them to go down the path of uplifting and loving thoughts as well.
Daniel G. Amen, of Change Your Brain, Change Your Body, offers similar advice, “Focus on what you love about your life and those around you, and your heart will be healthier and happier.” It will also help you live longer.
The next time you find yourself “stuck in a rut” over something, try noticing your reaction. Observe your emotional saboteurs as they get defensive and try to keep your hand on the hot stove. See if it helps – even a tiny bit. After all, you didn’t get in that habit overnight. Doesn’t it make sense to try to change it back to “Happy” one thought at a time?
- Laughter – Laughter can influence our whole bodies, uplift our moods, reduce levels of stress hormones (i.e., cortisol, epinephrine, and norepinephrine) and increase the love-your-body hormones: endorphins, dopamine, and seratonin.
- Gratitude – You don’t need more of anything in your life to be happy – just simply be grateful for what you do have. Look around you. Think of ten things right now that you can be grateful for: a wonderful spouse/significant other, kids who laugh (they’re a natural at this!) for silly reasons, cool socks with funky designs – make a list!
Having a hard time with that?
Commit yourself to this then: Every time you think a negative thought, challenge yourself to come up with 3 positive things about that one negative situation. This will work! Our brains are trained to focus on the negative more than the positive – this was quite helpful as we were evolving. We need to combat the instincts that are ingrained in us from before we were homo sapiens.
Want some practices?
- Get some body work done: soothe your heart with some massage, an acupressure or cupping therapy treatment, energy work – anything to help relax you and aid in releasing the stress and emotions you’ve been carrying around.
- Try the Positive Intelligence program by Shirzad Chamine. Take the quiz to discover your sabateurs, and read his book to see if this is your thing.
- Meditation and Yoga – Both are proven stress reducers, which leads to opening our hearts. The psychiatrist Mark Epstein recently shared a lot about meditation on Ezra Klein’s podcast – the goal is to shorten the time you are in negative emotion, not to eliminate those emotions completely.
- Warm your hands – not just blowing your breath on your hands but, using biofeedback techniques to increase the blood flow to your hands will help your body relax (think of placing your hands in warm mittens or, “seeing” the energy flow from your brain to your hands, etc.). Or, grab the hand of your partner.
There are lots more ways to take care of ourselves and lead happier lives. Start with these simple steps and you’re on your way to more “healthy and happy” overall.